How I've Been Feeling Lately... - Zeena Xena

Thursday, 27 July 2017 London, UK

I'm sure you all know by now, I like to keep my blog/socials very raw and honest with you guys and to be fair, it's the only way I know how to be. Blogs for some I remember were almost like online journals, where you could jot down feelings and use the platform as an outlet. Letting go of any hurt, anger, frustration or upset. A lot has changed over the years, but every now and again I like to really connect with you guys by letting you know how I feel.

Blogs and instagram pages these days are just way too polished. Aside from the beauty posts, fun events and "OMG LOOL" comments, there's a whole other world that lies beneath... I'm here to let you in on mine. Some of you may have realised that I haven't been posting as much on social media, my blog etc and the reason for this was that my nan had just passed away just days before my 25th.

*Get it together Zaineb* 

It's so hard for me not to cry when writing about her because I believe in this life of mine, she was my actual soulmate. From a young age I always looked forward to visiting my nan each weekend, and even ended up non-intentionally living with her for a year after being sent to hers for a week haha.

Me and my nan were close, real close and to even believe that she is no longer here is just so difficult for me. I always try to put on a brave face but lately I've just been feeling truly hurt and sad. I have some amazing people around me, but nothing can take away the fact that I've lost my soulmate. She was the one that I spoke to on the phone most out of EVERYONE in my phone-book, no one could ever come close to the way I felt and still feel about her. My nan died so suddenly, she didn't deserve to go and she loved life so much it's sad to see it taken from her.

But yeah, I just wanted to let you guys know how I've been feeling. My nan's passing has really affected my work ethic especially in June. I forced myself to work, but I just really wasn't doing a great job at all. I've put Blogging Gals on hold at the minute because I felt like a large proportion of the bloggersphere were depending on something that I'd created. I didn't even have the mental strength to manage a small team let alone a whole community.

To top this off, my birthday was fast approaching... The big 25 I was dreading it. Friends kept on saying I should "celebrate" but we hadn't even have the funeral yet, it didn't feel right and I wasn't happy. My nan is buried now. She had a beautiful send off and I guess this is it really, she's at peace.

I'm in a better place though, after talking to several friends and giving myself a pep talk, I'm truly motivated to make myself and nan proud. I aim to finish this year on a high note (God willing), and really flourish in everything that I'm doing/want to do.

A big thanks to those of you that read my blog and support me on my social medias, I truly appreciate you all. I'll be back with some of my Blogging Tips posts that you guys love.

Top & Trousers - Pretty Little Thing

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P.S. If there's anything you can take from my post please make it be how important family is. Spend as much time with loved ones because you never know when it'll be their last day. 


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